Trying to start a family became a full-time job for me this summer. When I wasn’t at work I was spending my free time preparing for In Vitro Fertilization. I spent hours doing research online learning about the different options. I grabbed coffee with girl friends that had successfully gone through IVF and picked their brains about the process. I talked with multiple doctors and specialist at Walter Reed Medical Center, shared my fears, and hesitantly accepted the Preimplantation Genetic Testing (PGT) option. You see, Adam and I had no problem getting pregnant we had a problem with my chromosome structure. We wanted to examine my embryos for chromosome abnormalities to improve our chances of carrying a baby to full term and hopefully having a healthy child. After a few weeks my husband and I had a small notebook full of family history, medical records, and detailed personal information that we brought with us to our IVF orientation.
I remember lying in bed after the full day orientation feeling overwhelmed by the statistics. I started crying because I wasn’t excited about starting a family anymore. The past year had presented a number of challenges and I didn’t feel one step closer to having a baby. Adam encouraged me to stay positive and reminded me we didn’t have to make a decision that night. Adam had been encouraging me all summer to give God control and to try naturally one more time before starting IVF.
But the idea of trying again started to scare me. I no longer liked the idea because I was afraid. I didn’t want to lose another baby. I couldn’t lose another baby. Too many questions filled my mind. What if we didn’t start the IVF treatments now? Adam would be deploying soon and another year would be lost. What if we tried naturally again and it didn’t work? My body was still recovering from cancer and the two other miscarriages. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. After an hour-long conversation we prayed that God would watch over us. Unable to sleep I simply asked God two things. I asked him to spare me the pain of another loss. I would rather not get pregnant than lose another baby. Then I asked for God to take complete control because I didn’t have the strength to be hopeful anymore. So we decided at the beginning of July to try one last time and leave it in God’s hands.
It was now the third week in July and we marked our calendars to meet the doctors for our first IVF treatment. We were two days away from our first appointment, two days away from paying thousands of dollars; two days away from IVF and PGT when we found out I was pregnant, again. I wish I could tell you I was excited beyond belief. But I wasn’t. I was terrified.
The first few weeks tortured me. I not only avoided friends and family, I avoided God. I was holding my breath as if I were under water. On my way to work one morning I finally asked God for peace and an old memory verse came to mind. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Every time I felt fear taking over my thoughts I whispered this truth until I believed it. I will never forget the sound of that hummingbird heartbeat at week eight, I will never forget the way our baby was dancing with its hands above its head at week eleven, and I will never forget God holding me through an unexpected ER visit at week thirteen.
Today marks seventeen weeks for our baby. I never thought that one of my first stories on Road2Motherhood would be my own baby announcement. The inspiration behind this site started long before I thought this wonderful news would be possible. That is why Adam and I are so excited to share that our baby is due to hatch on Easter Sunday, March 27th.
Our most important appointment will be on November 5th for our 20 week testing. But the growing peace I receive from God is reassurance everyday that our baby is healthy, our baby is well, and that our baby will be ok. This past year has presented a number of challenges but we are so grateful and thankful for the family and friends who have lifted us up in prayer, supported us with encouraging words, and all who have been emotionally available to us.
I want to thank my mom for the countless hours on the phone, all of her prayers, and her unfaltering trust in our little secret. I want to thank my Me-mom for gathering a prayer team, for always calling at the right time, and for introducing me to her quilting buddies. Thank you Aunt Ruth for your daily bible verse text messages, Chick-fil-A lemonade runs, your contagious laugh and fighting heart. Thank you Uncle Jeff for making me your favorite niece and for your godly example. Thank you to my in-laws for loving me like a daughter, for being an outstanding example of marriage and for reminding Adam and I to get out and have fun. I could go on for days mentioning those who have subtly and selflessly helped with the small stuff that means so much.
So thank you to all the people who helped Adam and I stay strong during a challenging time. We cannot wait to give thanks for our Risen King and celebrate this beautiful bundle of joy with all of you on Easter.
All of our love,
Adam & Traci