Hope in the Midst of the Unknown

Today R2M brings you a story of hope in the midst of the unknown. Katie has been kind enough to share a powerful message even when she still has a lot of unanswered questions. I know it’s not easy to open up and talk about miscarriages especially when the future is so unpredictable. I too have had two miscarriages and I remember all the questions I had running through my mind waiting for tests to come back. Thank you for the reminder of how important it is to listen to your body, nurture your marriage, and lean on others for support. – Traci

A message from Katie:

“When my husband and I got married in May of 2014, we decided to enjoy wedded bliss for a year before trying to get pregnant. We were blessed to become pregnant on our first try in April. It was a surreal feeling and we were so excited! We shared the news with our parents and close friends and family. At ten and a half weeks, I had this overwhelming feeling that I was not pregnant anymore. An ultrasound confirmed it. We were devastated. I immediately regretted telling our friends and family that we were expecting. Now, we had to tell them all that we had a miscarriage.

However, in the process of telling each of them, and gaining an ounce of strength from each hug, text, email, and flower delivery, I realized there was nothing we needed more than their support. We waited the one cycle the doctor recommended and tried again in June. We were pregnant again but telling family and friends held little excitement this time. We were terrified. During the first pregnancy, my husband rubbed my belly, talked to the baby (even though our little one couldn’t hear yet), and could not wait to be a daddy. This time around, other than helping me manage my symptoms, he was guarding his heart against another loss. I was doing the same, but after we saw a beautiful baby heartbeat at seven and a half weeks, I let myself hope. My pregnancy symptoms were much worse this time around too, so I thought, “OK, this must mean things are going well!” 

At nine weeks, I woke up in the middle of the night, sobbing. I woke my husband and told him something was wrong. I noticed my symptoms disappearing that night. It was the first night I had slept on my back in weeks (I’d been sleeping propped up on about five pillows. I had horrible heartburn). Thankfully, I had an appointment the following day and mentioned it to my midwife. She decided to do an ultrasound, and sadly, we had lost another. 

I’m writing this, two and a half weeks past my D and C procedure. This miscarriage has been so much harder than the first. The feeling of loss is overwhelming. I feel a sense of loss for our babies and for the sense of excitement that I always thought would surround pregnancy. January 3rd and April 17th were my due dates. I know that when those days come I’ll be thinking again about what we have lost. 

We are taking a break. I’m feeling as though the last six months of my life have not been my own. My house is a mess, I’m exhausted, physically and emotionally, my eating habits are all over the place, I need to go to the gym, and so on… My husband and I decided to take a break to focus on each other for a few months. Of course, in the background will be testing, testing, and more testing; but I know that we both need more time to heal. 

After going through this twice, I have to say how grateful I am to have the support of those closest to us. I know many people choose not to reveal their pregnancy until much later, but I have found such strength in the support of others. Also, I am truly blessed to have the most wonderful husband. He has been my rock and this experience has taught us to lean on and support each other. I can tell I’m starting to heal again…”


 

If you would like to share your story please click here. You can follow us on Twitter @Traci_R2M or you can like us on Facebook.

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